btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you had me at cake vodka
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize