i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Randomize
