apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
