i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
