i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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