the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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