Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
