He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
