He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
