uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
