OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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