we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
