she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize