God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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