32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
