i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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