Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
