I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
