You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
