I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
