i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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