Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
