She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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