it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
