oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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