btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
