hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
