you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize