Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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