She is in my trunk
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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