Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
