remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
