oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
