I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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