do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
