dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
