so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
