Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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