Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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