Already got asked if we're dating
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
