ADVERTISEMENT

• (305): View more from Florida

  He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.

  Fav 36 761 3900

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god

  Fav 26 933 4123

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.

  Fav 11 4554 1631

  share tweet
  

• (360): View more from Washington

  I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood

  Fav 22 5560 1911

  share tweet
  

• (817): View more from Texas

  God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist

  Fav 12 1763 5720

  share tweet
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would

  Fav 7 3850 1280

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.

  Fav 4 1055 2031

  share tweet
  

• (941): View more from Florida

  Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs

  Fav 13 3118 708

  share tweet
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.

  Fav 3 1162 779

  share tweet
  

• (386): View more from Florida

  Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.

  Fav 6 657 827

  share tweet
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.

  Fav 0 525 355

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (818): View more from California

  I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.

  Fav 3 519 668

  share tweet
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.

  Fav 1 617 277

  share tweet
  

• (775): View more from Nevada

  My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are

  Fav 0 51 11

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Dude I had my dad cock block me once

  Fav 0 16 55

  share tweet
  

Randomize