a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
