just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
