i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize