I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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