this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
