the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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