I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
