I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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