How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
