So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
