Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
