He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
