hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
