This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
