I got chris browned last night
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
