You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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