Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
