pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize