Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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