toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
