A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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