He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
