we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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