There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
