i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
