we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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