I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
