The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
