apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Congratulations! We have a period
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