the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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