Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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