oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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