you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
