My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i need some magic done to my vagina
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
