I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
