And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
