He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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