She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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