im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
