My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
