I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
