Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize