I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
