On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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