Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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