it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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