Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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