Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
