I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
