dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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