Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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