The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize