i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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