Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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