We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
