i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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