Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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