She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
