I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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