Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
