I'm lost and stupid without you.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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