Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
