Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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